Surrounded In Life By Nothing

Lately...... I've been having trouble sleeping. Usually it only lasts for a few days, but secretly, it's been going on for weeks. I can't like....whine about it,as some would probably say or think. It's just this time 'round, it's different from all of the other times it happened.
When it usually would happen, I knew it would go away. But lately it has stuck around.

My stress level is low, to be honest, it's at an all time low. At least, that's what I want to believe.
It's what I would say with a straight face.

I've been going to therapy on a weekly basis, so that's the main reason why it's at an all time low. For once, I mean, I have to say that I'm not used to being this calm. Really, and I wish I was kidding. Heh, it's kind of funny now that I think about it.

I can feel myself trying to change again.

It's like living in a frozen cocoon, it's just melting very, very slowly.

Trying to live, I should say.

These days, well, I should say...these nights....they're weird.

I'm not interested in anything. I don't want to write. I don't want to play games. I don't want to watch a dvd or tv. I don't want to listen to music.

........I just sit there.....I just lay there......still.......for hours on end, night after night.

I tried writing, I tried playing games, I tried everything. But nothing distracts me anymore, nothing is able to keep my attention long enough.
What does keep my attention though, is the darkness that engulfs my room at night.
I'm not scared, I'm not in sorrow. I'm just calm.

Time flies, as my adjusted eyes are fixated on my memories.

No anxiety, no tremors, no nothing.

I don't know what it is, I don't know what this behavior means. I don't know if it's an 'odd' behavior or what. I don't know if it's normal for a person to just do nothing for hours while in the dark.

When it was bad though, I dreamt, I dreamt of all of my desires. I yearned for all of those distractions.
When it was getting worse, I surrounded myself with possessions.
Computer, after computer
Game after game
Album after album
Poem after poem
Movie after movie
Book after book

Now they all feel useless, meaningless to me. They no longer keep me distract, they no longer entertain me.

Do I no longer need distractions?

Since I'm no longer inside of the storm.......does this mean this is the promised calm?

It feels like I wasted all of that time buying and surrounding myself with possessions....and in the end.......it's as if it was all for nothing......

I don't know if I'm worried. I don't know if this bothers me. I don't know if I want to go back to that state of mind. I don't know if I want to become distracted again.

All I know is......the darkness.....is clear for me now. My eyes have finally adjusted.