The Past Is The Past

Living within moments rather than living for moments...can backfire...big time. I was happy. I thought I was happy. I thought he was happy. I thought we were happy...together...
That's all that really counted...in the moment...right?

I thought that's all that mattered. Now that I look back at those months, I feel completely stupid. I feel like a child. I feel like I deserve for what happened. I feel as if I didn't try hard enough. I feel as I have failed him and worst of all...I failed myself. I can't fix it. I can't fix any of it. No matter what I said or what I do, it all will be rendered irrelevant. I could give it my all and it wouldn't make the slightest difference. That's what hurts the most, is the helplessness. It's like watching a building slowly crumbling and you're not able to repair it no matter how hard you work.

I guess....sometimes you have to let the building crumble all the way down....to make room....just to be able to build....something new.....