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This one is too important
So don't you dare wake me, please
I need to see it to the end, it's urgent
Because dreams like these mean the world to me
Frantically regretting real life
You should have never opened my eyes
You're a boulder, plunging into a still pond
Once so calm and peaceful
Your disturbing ripples seem to last eons
Now so rapid and unstable
Crashing into paradise
You wrecked it when you arrived
It's like a mystery that was almost solved
But the chance was taken away
It's like a happy memory turned to a loss
Because your presence got in the way
A perfect opportunity slipped
You're the one that ruined it
You're a twister, blowing around the decayed leaves
Which should lie unmoving
You need to learn how to just let the dead sleep
But your actions remain opposing
I'm caught in your vortex
You're the one that wrought this
The thought, I almost understood the meaning
So, so, so clearly
The images, I could have grasped the feeling
The broken roof
Between my fears
Questioning my existence...
I ask myself
Is there acceptance..?
To be found
But not broken
To be outspoken
But your eyes would not stand for it
The glares and snares deemed it forbidden
Since then I shut myself out and away in the distance
Locked inside my mind / Afraid of all humankind
I fell under the pressure / Damaged by society's pleasure
I let go of all possessions / I threw away my humiliation
Dub me another lonely soul
For I am no longer meant this world
I ripped your burdens away from my shoulders
Skin of stone
In my home
Completely exhausted eyes
Looking back again
I wouldn't last
Of this reality
In the window...
In the ocean...
I see sorrow
I see confusion
I'll wake up tomorrow
And...forget my confessions
I regret every given sin
Replaying it all in my mind
Tattoos repent on my skin
They're serving a lifetime
Scars reveal past pain
And it's all mine
I see my eyes! / I fear my lies!
I scream inside! / I hide behind!
Tears won't fade! / Lost my faith!
I'm not okay! / It's too late!
I see through the cracks
Into my fallen reality
I put up a poor act
My transparent sanity
My soul finally snapped
Unleashed the real me
In the mirror...
In the destruction...
I see terror
I see justification
I'll wake up as an avenger
...Of my former reflection
It's my world
These are my shoulders
It's my burden
These are my problems
It's my life
These are the tears I cry
It's my truth
These are my last moments with you
When you said those words
My vision got blurry
We couldn't be "us" anymore
It divides me
Double-edged love / I needed you so much
You're all I really got / Without you- I'm lost
When you walked away
I met the ground
I felt a ripping pain
A deafening sound
I won't get up again
This is my place now
This is me on my knees
Let me be weak
This is me breaking down
Let me cry out
This is me at my worst
Let me be hurt
This is me crushing my heart
Please...let me fall apart...in your arms
Even when I'm at my weakest
I still lend you my strength
Even when my eyes are their darkest
I still look out for you the best way I can
I'm not the hero of the day
I just know what's right
I'm not some selfless saint
Someone has to bear the light
I don't expect any praise
All my deeds are of the same kind
I need not your thanks
No relief can fill this void in my life
No rest for the wicked / No love for the abandoned
No hope for the innocent / No pain for the departed
I'll give you my all / I'll rise while I fall
I'll answer your call / I'll serve until there's no pulse
I'm not looking for acknowledgment
Remember not my face
I don't consider labels an accomplishment
Forget to speak of my name
I will leave none a victim of relinquishment
You will not witness that pain
I'm merely here to cure the inhumane infections
For we are all one in the same
Even when all seems hopeless
I will come to turn the tides
Even when I'm left powerless
I will always be
Are seen as abominations among humanity
I'm a another stereotype labeled by society
Even though I'm trying my best to just be me
I may not walk the same
But I still have my own path
I have my own footsteps to make
And my own happiness to grasp
You see me how you want to
I am who I am
You have your own narrow point of view
But I am just another human
So many words to be said / So much hate to be meant
Lash out towards the difference / Guilt trip my already-clouded conscience
I am not the one who is typical
I choose to look a different way
You need to look in the mirror
And ask what does a dictator always say?
I don't want to be like anyone else
Divide the bland similarities in between
I need not your help to be myself
Separate the judgments from belief
Will finally see
That I'm not a freak
I'm just unique
Temptation destroys the very fabric of controlled rejection
And I yearn for a stupor salvation
This thirst is my disgraceful halation
And every shot sends me deeper into oblivion
My morals got caught up in warfare
Defining the worst side of my personality
These dark circles around my eyes lead nowhere
My irises are the source of frailty
Isolation is the only resort
The final stand against another taste
Just until my courage is immersed
And then another hit awaits
Bottom of a bottle / Bevel of a needle
A sacred betrayal / Spiraling into denial
My thoughts phase from numbness
Temporarily freed from reality
Resentment fuses with darkness
I begin to smile vacantly
Forcing a long-awaited blackout
This is what I've needed
When my eyelids crash down
The power of my pride is finally defeated
Dependency is fueled by weakness
Once broken- I become shapeless
I strip myself of all insecurities
So here's a toast
Living in my skin
It's like a severe drug addiction
It becomes lethal in the long run
It's a destruction that can't be undone
I am my own reaper
I am my own savior
A scythe is my cross
This blasphemy cannot be stopped
Only those with true despair
Can wield this type of fear
For those who are born in sorrow
Know how to deal with living so hollowed
I had to cast aside my weak point of view
Because there are no demons nor angels
I am my own villain
I am my own hero
Although my perceptions of light and dark
Mean nothing to my already tainted heart
I know reality is what it needs to be
I know there was no hope for someone like me
I can't justify fate with destiny
I can't prevent the ending to my story
Dying in my skin
Is like a long awaited revolution
It was worth all of the praying
It was worth all of the suffering
For I am my own martyr
For I am my own slayer
Heart: The Destruction
I'm left dreamless
Every single night...
I remain sleepless
With bloodshot eyes...
You race through my mind
Images that I can't stand
And time after time
You're depleting my strength
A plague of mixed emotions
My tears act like quicksand
I'm torn in every direction
By these encrypted feelings I don't understand
I wish my heart would stay hidden
And so far away from you
To confess would be forbidden
And everyday I would barely get through
I've fallen so low / Into the darkness below
By the sorrow of my soul / It's consuming me whole
There is no escape
From whats bottled up inside
My desire for you won't ever fade
And it's something that I'm failing to hide
I continue to yearn for you so much
Even if you're right here beside me
But I can't let our friendship be crossed
So this dilemma will never let me be free
A Moment Of Love
A Moment Of Love
This is a perfect chance of weakness to finally tell you that this isn't just a crush
It's not all about lust; I've always wanted to confess to you that I care about you so much
I apologize for being hesitant all of the time; it's just very hard to say you're my one true love
I yearned to say it out loud, but the words couldn't escape my mouth, that's what my fear does
I tried to say it to you in every lucid dream, that's how strong these feelings are
And I found myself waking up to tears of joy, because a true sense of hope is in my heart
I want to win you over
And I will never give up
Because you make the dark brighter
And you're always there no matter what
Every time you smile at me, it makes my day
Every time you laugh with me, it completes my night
Every time you speak to me, my problems fade away
Every time you're with me, it betters this hopeless life
You've done a lot for me that you don't even know about
Like when you told me that I was never alone
A Sleepless Night
A Sleepless Night
(That Will Never Alight)
This same old nightmare that I grimly fear
An image of my life haunted by your shadows
I'm frozen in place, waiting for daylight to soon appear
But I don't know if I'm ready to take on another loveless tomorrow
Why am I the one who suffers when you're not even really here?
I should not have to be the one inflicted by your falsely bestowed sorrow
You made and broke every one of those promises
You left even though you knew that you'd be greatly missed
You were not the one saying that you're so sorry
You were not the one who was left crying uncontrollably
You didn't feel your heart being ripped away
You never considered the other side of the pain
For you I completely broke down
For you I remain in countless pieces now
But I vow to never go through that again
Because I will never give my heart to someone in vain
I want you to know that this is the cost
For I am the outcome of when you throw away your love
This cage named my he
Let The Wounds Be Undone
Let The Wounds Be Undone
I heal to just be healed again...
So many wounds to mend...
My body feels no end...
Without pain there can be no relief
Last resort hope gives birth to belief
I knew there was always something better
I prayed for the days ahead to get brighter
As I lay in ruin
I feel my heart still beating
Pieces of destruction
Can be transformed into pieces of creation
Forgot about yesterday / I only know of today
The light sparks my way / Pushed the darkness away
Life is what I'm fighting for / You can't hurt me anymore
I'm stronger than before / The broken pieces are now whole
I wave my tarnished hands
Over my torn skin
My heart's no longer glass
This is my despair vanishing
I lift up my remains
And let go of the past
It's just another memory
But now here I stand
Tears will become numb!
Scars will be overcome!
Let the wounds be undone!
They SayThey Say.
They say there is always a silver lining.
But right now my future looks bleak.
They say the sky is the limit.
But my vision is blocked by a mountain peak
They say life is a game.
But I was never any good at hide and seek.
They say were all different.
But does that mean that were all unique.
They say everyone wants to win.
But I have no desire to compete.
They say there are plenty more fish in the sea.
But they didn't say whether the water's shallow or deep.
They say everyone is searching for the same answer.
But I have'nt got it in me to cheat.
They say I'm too negative.
But I know this also comes hand in hand with defeat.
They say a healthy mind is a healthy body.
But I'm not to obsessed with my physique.
They say some situations you must face, face to face.
But sometimes I am not willing to turn the other cheek.
They told me some day I'd be someone great.
But I know that's a promise they cant keep.
They say sometimes shit just happens.
But I've recently discovere
Rain Of Darkness
Rain of Darkness
Something inside of me...broke
The very core of my soul...snapped
I became surrounded by a numbing cold
I blinked and everything faded to black
When you left me alone-
I felt this eternal betrayal
When you decided to let me go-
The dependance I hid became unstable
The weight on my shoulders collapsed
While the world I once knew- wasted
The bottled up remorse relapsed
I was consumed by hatred
Thou have forsaken
Others will taste my conviction
Hope, itself has been taken
Along with every form of justification
Why am I the one abandoned?
I never took ANYTHING for granted!
Re-fracture and amplify the fragments
AND TELL ME THAT WASN'T YOUR INTENTION?
I'm a fraction of a remnant
And that's an understatement
You knew this would happen
When you took back our salvation
Something deep inside of me...crumbled
The center of my heart...stung
I made even the shadows
Behind Hollowed Eyes
Behind Hollowed Eyes
Day after day-
I tried continuing on to live this way
With damaged veins made of concrete-
I am the undone suicide that was kept a secret
But I can no longer exist-
Inside of this pretentious skin
There is a past that I wish I didn't remember
There is a future that just looks too painful
There is nothing you can say or do that will help
Because...there is..,no turning back now
I draw everything away within the undertow
I smother the remnants of your reincarnated hope
I am the lost child you took for granted all those years ago
I am a maelstrom of deceit
I am a darkness that you cannot defeat
I am the awaiting fate of this pathetic destiny
This voice/This smile
This figure/This shadow
This soul/This sorrow
This pain/This hell
These words might not mean anything
But I want to say that I'm sorry, so sorry for everything
That's the last of my sincerity
Goodbye lullabyWith our heart in a fierce beat ,
We'll dance together on the empty street.
With your shallow breathing against my head,
We'll sway along to words unsaid.
When you look in my eye,
I know, it's time to say goodbye,
But will you grant me one last wish?
To Hold me in your arms,
And Sing me a sweet lullaby,
To let me drown in your melodic voice for one last time,
And Let me dream of a place where you are mine.
To let the tune wash away my pain,
For I want to relive that moment once again,
When you and I first met each other
And to prove to myself, that there can be no another,
Who could ever take your place.
And our moments spent together,
I'd do anything to retrace.
How the light has darkened.
How the strongest have fallen.
This cloak remains
Unseen by many
A barrier to hide away
Covering up my damaged sanity
I have to act a certain way
And pretend I still have a sense of humanity
But I know it's too late
So there is no restoring me
I am both sword and shield
My bane is myself
My wounds will never heal
I am both heaven and hell
I fear my own reflection / I dread my own aggression
I am your ruination / I am your protection
I keep all destruction within / I keep all sympathy distant
I am your nightmare / I am your savior
The gift of infliction
Tells the story of life
The curse of humiliation
Reaps all forms of power and pride
Oh how the human soul can be broken.
Oh how the darkness can be overpowering.
This overwhelming pain
Is what you shall not fear
As I start to break
I hold the thoughts of your love near
I cannot place blame
So I put it i
That Girl was MeThe girl with blood on her pillow
Because at night, her monsters won't leave her mind alone
So she tears
At the never healing scars
The girl with burn tracks down her face
Tears just weren't enough
They couldn't show the loss, the emotion
So, this was her way of showing her pain
The girl with wire sewn lips
Because the world showed her
Her pleading words will never change a thing
She has no power to help anyone, so why let her try
The girl that has blackened feet
Bruises from walking a million miles
Following closely behind someone
Only to realize they were a mirage in a twisted world
The girl with a bottle of pain killers in her shaking hands
Waiting to numb the pain
Looking for the final reason
To leave her private world of pain behind
The girl with a frown painted over her fake smile
Trying everything to make you see
That she's not all right&
It's one of those days
When everything goes wrong
And it hurts you in ways
When it feels like you don't belong
Thinking of the choices you made
What you've done
Questioning if redemption is too late
Can this guilt be overcome?
I deserve to remain
Locked within the pain
As my tears are wrapped in chains
And it's all true
What we all go through
Take all of my problems and give 'em to you
Because I cannot
Win back the battles I lost
For I am unable to pay the courage it costs
For those who say
That the past can't be changed
They're right, but the memories won't go away
So lead me astray
Carry all of my burdens I gave
And head for our war that awaits to be waged
Do you know what it's like?
To depend one someone so much
Who might not be able to save your life
For them to try and prevent a dying cause
All words fade when I try to apologize
Your selflessness leaves me speechless
You will always be a hero in my eyes
But...your kindness is my weakness
what love is not.it was a s l o p p y first kiss where
my drunk lips fumbled against yours.
the dull thwack of my heart,
locked behind curved ribs
cleared my groggy brain,
clouded with lustful premonitions.
it was an e l e c t r i f y i n g first kiss where
you entwined your hands in my hair.
your mouth encompassed mine and
my breath became lost in the steady
of your chest.
it was a s h y first kiss where
i pulled away before you could explore.
your tongue grazed my teeth,
searching for a way past the ivory gates.
i dug my finger into the stubble along your jaw,
my nail lulling your carnal desires.
it was my first kiss with you.
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Endorell-Taelos is very well known within the community for her selfless giving and gracious community spirit. Since joining DeviantART over seven years ago, Alicia has continued to make a positive impact on many deviants. Her helpful and thoughtful approach was one of her finest attributes when serving as a Community Volunteer, and this has continued throughout the many contests which Alicia provides on a regular basis. As we approach our Birthday celebrations, we can't... Read More