Even when I'm at my weakest
I still lend you my strength
Even when my eyes are their darkest
I still look out for you the best way I can
I'm not the hero of the day
I just know what's right
I'm not some selfless saint
Someone has to bear the light
I don't expect any praise
All my deeds are of the same kind
I need not your thanks
No relief can fill this void in my life
No rest for the wicked / No love for the abandoned
No hope for the innocent / No pain for the departed
I'll give you my all / I'll rise while I fall
I'll answer your call / I'll serve until there's no pulse
I'm not looking for acknowledgment
Remember not my face
I don't consider labels an accomplishment
Forget to speak of my name
I will leave none a victim of relinquishment
You will not witness that pain
I'm merely here to cure the inhumane infections
For we are all one in the same
Even when all seems hopeless
I will come to turn the tides
Even when I'm left powerless
I will always be
This one is too important
So don't you dare wake me, please
I need to see it to the end, it's urgent
Because dreams like these mean the world to me
Frantically regretting real life
You should have never opened my eyes
You're a boulder, plunging into a still pond
Once so calm and peaceful
Your disturbing ripples seem to last eons
Now so rapid and unstable
Crashing into paradise
You wrecked it when you arrived
It's like a mystery that was almost solved
But the chance was taken away
It's like a happy memory turned to a loss
Because your presence got in the way
A perfect opportunity slipped
You're the one that ruined it
You're a twister, blowing around the decayed leaves
Which should lie unmoving
You need to learn how to just let the dead sleep
But your actions remain opposing
I'm caught in your vortex
You're the one that wrought this
The thought, I almost understood the meaning
So, so, so clearly
The images, I could have grasped the feeling
Temptation destroys the very fabric of controlled rejection
And I yearn for a stupor salvation
This thirst is my disgraceful halation
And every shot sends me deeper into oblivion
My morals got caught up in warfare
Defining the worst side of my personality
These dark circles around my eyes lead nowhere
My irises are the source of frailty
Isolation is the only resort
The final stand against another taste
Just until my courage is immersed
And then another hit awaits
Bottom of a bottle / Bevel of a needle
A sacred betrayal / Spiraling into denial
My thoughts phase from numbness
Temporarily freed from reality
Resentment fuses with darkness
I begin to smile vacantly
Forcing a long-awaited blackout
This is what I've needed
When my eyelids crash down
The power of my pride is finally defeated
Dependency is fueled by weakness
Once broken- I become shapeless
I strip myself of all insecurities
So here's a toast
It's one of those days
When everything goes wrong
And it hurts you in ways
When it feels like you don't belong
Thinking of the choices you made
What you've done
Questioning if redemption is too late
Can this guilt be overcome?
I deserve to remain
Locked within the pain
As my tears are wrapped in chains
And it's all true
What we all go through
Take all of my problems and give 'em to you
Because I cannot
Win back the battles I lost
For I am unable to pay the courage it costs
For those who say
That the past can't be changed
They're right, but the memories won't go away
So lead me astray
Carry all of my burdens I gave
And head for our war that awaits to be waged
Do you know what it's like?
To depend one someone so much
Who might not be able to save your life
For them to try and prevent a dying cause
All words fade when I try to apologize
Your selflessness leaves me speechless
You will always be a hero in my eyes
But...your kindness is my weakness
In the window...
In the ocean...
I see sorrow
I see confusion
I'll wake up tomorrow
And...forget my confessions
I regret every given sin
Replaying it all in my mind
Tattoos repent on my skin
They're serving a lifetime
Scars reveal past pain
And it's all mine
I see my eyes! / I fear my lies!
I scream inside! / I hide behind!
Tears won't fade! / Lost my faith!
I'm not okay! / It's too late!
I see through the cracks
Into my fallen reality
I put up a poor act
My transparent sanity
My soul finally snapped
Unleashed the real me
In the mirror...
In the destruction...
I see terror
I see justification
I'll wake up as an avenger
...Of my former reflection
The broken roof
Between my fears
Questioning my existence...
I ask myself
Is there acceptance..?
To be found
But not broken
To be outspoken
But your eyes would not stand for it
The glares and snares deemed it forbidden
Since then I shut myself out and away in the distance
Locked inside my mind / Afraid of all humankind
I fell under the pressure / Damaged by society's pleasure
I let go of all possessions / I threw away my humiliation
Dub me another lonely soul
For I am no longer meant this world
I ripped your burdens away from my shoulders
Skin of stone
In my home
Completely exhausted eyes
Looking back again
I wouldn't last
Of this reality
Heart: The Destruction
I'm left dreamless
Every single night...
I remain sleepless
With bloodshot eyes...
You race through my mind
Images that I can't stand
And time after time
You're depleting my strength
A plague of mixed emotions
My tears act like quicksand
I'm torn in every direction
By these encrypted feelings I don't understand
I wish my heart would stay hidden
And so far away from you
To confess would be forbidden
And everyday I would barely get through
I've fallen so low / Into the darkness below
By the sorrow of my soul / It's consuming me whole
There is no escape
From whats bottled up inside
My desire for you won't ever fade
And it's something that I'm failing to hide
I continue to yearn for you so much
Even if you're right here beside me
But I can't let our friendship be crossed
So this dilemma will never let me be free
It's my world
These are my shoulders
It's my burden
These are my problems
It's my life
These are the tears I cry
It's my truth
These are my last moments with you
When you said those words
My vision got blurry
We couldn't be "us" anymore
It divides me
Double-edged love / I needed you so much
You're all I really got / Without you- I'm lost
When you walked away
I met the ground
I felt a ripping pain
A deafening sound
I won't get up again
This is my place now
This is me on my knees
Let me be weak
This is me breaking down
Let me cry out
This is me at my worst
Let me be hurt
This is me crushing my heart
Please...let me fall apart...in your arms
Hardships are a token
There's so many scars
I'm proud to be broken
I'm a living shard
I live off of regret
Breathing in certainty
My life feeds on suspense
It's almost considered a dependency
People break down sometimes
That's an understatement
Pretending to walk the line
While hope is in fragments
Can you imagine-
Enduring another lifetime
Even a fraction-
Of the pain I called mine?
I reach for the sky / Sweat falls in the fire
Worshiped halos remain shy / Shall I wait here forever?
People say we are all loved
That's nothing but a lie
Belief and trust become lost
That's the only truth I will testify
The gates will stay closed-
Backs will be turned
I will pray no more-
Only to try and justify the hurt
Some things are just not meant to be
No expectations- means no let downs
My own words are the only ones I'll believe
I was once lost, and I was once never found
And when death finally comes for me
My hollowed soul won't be raised
It will learn that statues nev
Aura: The Radiance
Aura: The Radiance
I wore this pain like a crown / I was so broken
I kept on falling down / I felt my soul shattering
I couldn't hear anything / listening to my own twisted thoughts
I was blinded from everything / witnessing my own tragic downfall
I stopped dreaming of better days / I ceased believing long ago
My countless nightmares wouldn't fade / I was left in this dark world alone
I guess this is how I really pictured my own end
I just want it to finally be over with, I won't resent death
To the end of this long, and lonely road
Dangling on my unfinished rope
Lift me up, lift me up, lift me up, and don't let me go!
Hold me high, hold me high, hold me high, and give me hope!
Revive the light
Inside the dark
Given a second life
Resurrecting my heart
Cascade of colors
Fade away the gray
Open up a new world
Where shame has no place
Standing up to society's face's
Takes every ounce of courage
Never damaged or discriminated against
Because we're all going throug
To Save Your Life
To Save Your Life
Heroes are hard to come by
Especially in this day and age
Because of you- I am still alive
Hail, the vanquisher of pain
I fought as long as I could have
But I sank into the weakness below
And I felt my sorrow's wrath
The helplessness took over
My fists let go
Of the resistance
I fell from hope
The light faded in the distance
It was all a dream
A simple false belief
Hands dangled frantically / Tears dripped endlessly
I needed a hero to save me / I yearned to be set free
A hand reached out
I was finally found
I rose back to grace
And the darkness brightened
The savior I awaited
Lifted me up and triumphed
I prayed as much as I needed
Even when I was beyond drowning
I knew a kind soul would pay heed
Every mourning human deserves saving
I'm Soaring Now
I'm Soaring Now
This is a different level of fear
It's wounding my truth and morality
It's strong enough to bring me here
On the edge of life- peering over to serenity
It's not impossible to grasp
But it's typical to assume
The last breath is the fact
That after death- peace will follow soon
Countless flashing memories
Ready to be set free
From this skin of...treachery
My scars peel off
Erased from my sight
The remains become soft
So this is what...innocence feels like
Destiny is somehow connected
Fate deems to be natural
The circle of the two is perfected
The beginning to the end is...peaceful
I offer and accept my own form of mercy
Before I miss out on forgiving the vulnerable side of me
Splitting and fusing fragments of calming memories
I would like to believe my life was somehow worthy
My tears have aligned wi
Somewhere...in the ocean
There is a whirlpool...that is...frozen
I no longer had anything keeping me bound to this world
You were my love, you were my chain, and my heart was a link
And I couldn't bear the thought of never seeing your face anymore
So my knees gave, as I let my thoughts break, and I forced myself to sink
Somewhere...in the darkness
There is a soul...which became faithless
All those memories down the drain
I feel the bitterness of hope
While my tears rain
I cannot cope
Somewhere...in the depths
There is a spark...cradled by emptiness
My pain will always remain in time
As I never wanted to let you go
But I still got left behind
Only to dwell in remorse
Somewhere...along the path
Came a point...where I couldn't stand
I knew there would be no moving on
And there would be no going back
Because I can't stand the thought
Of potentially losing any of that
Somewhere...in my mind
There is a time...when I loved my
Show me what the stars look like tonight.I’ve fallen in love with wars & darkness.
The kind of darkness said to have made
shadow monsters of seen-too-much eyes
& the kind of war lands made of
desecrated, dandelion wrists.
I am the wind, the morphine pump
& I’ve carved my bones into stars.
I wear them around my neck
like outward sun marrow
warming my carotid pulse.
These little glow-in-the-dark blankets
aren’t enough to stifle the sounds;
but my anatomy never seemed to fit
together the right way anyway.
A poem about loveLove consists out of pain
Love consists out of desire
Love is what I admire
Love always fights against my brain
Love is despising
Love is passion
Love is not a piece of fashion
Love is always surprising
None of these things are untrue
Love is enough to make one weep
That is love as it seems
Yet when I think of you
I simply can’t fall asleep
Since life is finally better, than in my own dreams
Once More for the Dwarf LordsIn dreams, I conjure wealth untold,
through ancient rocky caverns old.
Through carved halls and dungeons deep,
My home, where now a dragon sleeps.
My kingdom, taken from my hands,
It slumbers under mountain lands.
I promise kin their home reclaimed
from powerful lizards and horrors unnamed.
Once more, the gifts are dwarven gold,
Our wills unbent, we'll never fold!
Of joyous hymns, dwarf voices ring,
When Erebor regains a Dwarven King.
CommentI don't actually think your story or art or whatever is that awesome.
My brain is one that instantly searches out every single flaw in everything.
I see what you did wrong, note the bad lines (in both drawings and words) and poor work.
But I leave positive comments. I tell you it's beautiful and wonderful and amazing.
I point out, very gently if there's something I might change, if something's too wrong.
I tell you I'm impressed and really like it.
But I can't draw.
Don't write very well, in my own opinion.
Am not very experienced.
You are putting yourself out there.
For rejection, and criticism and hate.
For the world to see your art- which is often an intimate part of someone.
You're doing more then I am- I'm reluctant to let my work be seen.
You start wonderful conversations.
You seem very, very nice.
Artists, those who are perfect or not, deserve feedback.
Not because I am madly in love with it.
But because I care.
Chasing Shadows of You...Chasing Shadows of You...
No matter the years that pass me by,
It seems I am forever trapped.
For when it comes to deceiving myself,
I'm afraid I'm rather apt.
In the end the truth which I sought to avoid, is now knocking at my door...
A rabid rat that chews at me; one I can't ignore.
And though I might have grown this body, from the lonely years I've seen.
I'm afraid I can only chase the shadow, of my dearest Angeline.
- Chen Yuan Wen, 14th January 2012
The Unread Letter
If I could go back in time
I would, and say what I really wanted to say
Then maybe, just maybe you would still be mine
And I never would have had to go through all of this pain
I yearn to take it all back
To cast away every word that was said
I want you to know I didn't mean any of that
Because I knew you were the one when we first met
You're the one that let go
I was the one to get left behind
You're the one that took my soul
I was the one that had a break down that night
You said nothing
And left me waiting
I needed you to say something
I silently pleaded for you to say anything
Maybe I thought it was a hollow threat
But I knew it was a damaging move you meant
If I only had one wish
I would ask to see you once again
And then I would beg for forgiveness
Just to try and undo all of my unjustified destruction
Every mistake made
All of the tears that were shed
Drowning Out The World
Drowning Out The World
I find myself in the sounds-
I release my secrets in the lyrics
Inner peace is found-
The melodies calm my spirit
But when silence falls
The walls in my head break down
I'm consumed by stinging thoughts
And every regret cries out
Reality and time stop
The serenity within – goes silent
And then my mind floods
My past memories become violent
I get this sensation-
That I'm just too damaged
A truthful realization-
There's nothing left of me to salvage
Music is just a distraction-
To blind myself from the carnage
I remain lost in the destruction-
Where darkness has the advantage
The remnants of rhyme hinder-
The memories and I resist to coexist
As I let the essence of fear become louder-
I can't defy this quiet pestilence
I don't want to be a part of the silence
But it keeps pulling me back
It's erasing the meanings of every promis
Genderqueermy friends were
snips and snails and puppy dog tails
sugar and spice and everything nice.
i was the space between the words:
"girls on one side;
boys on the other."
rainbows and pails and sugar-snails,
that's what genderqueers are made of.
How the light has darkened.
How the strongest have fallen.
This cloak remains
Unseen by many
A barrier to hide away
Covering up my damaged sanity
I have to act a certain way
And pretend I still have a sense of humanity
But I know it's too late
So there is no restoring me
I am both sword and shield
My bane is myself
My wounds will never heal
I am both heaven and hell
I fear my own reflection / I dread my own aggression
I am your ruination / I am your protection
I keep all destruction within / I keep all sympathy distant
I am your nightmare / I am your savior
The gift of infliction
Tells the story of life
The curse of humiliation
Reaps all forms of power and pride
Oh how the human soul can be broken.
Oh how the darkness can be overpowering.
This overwhelming pain
Is what you shall not fear
As I start to break
I hold the thoughts of your love near
I cannot place blame
So I put it i
Praying for the prey
A saint so blissful
Don't let the old scars awake
A storm of rage comes my way
Idle hands yearn to be unfaithful
Even the heavens won't feel safe
I am my greatest fear
I am my own worst enemy
The glares I give myself are fierce
I barely hold onto this false harmony
My twisted thoughts flicker / The acts of a sinner
The silence of a confessor / A secret held forever
The madness took over / Becoming hell's harbinger
I am the lawless; I am executioner / This is my will; this is my terror
I hated my own reflection
Knowing the truth behind the lie
I destroyed my own protection
I tore down the walls in my mind
The light has darkened
A past so painful
Forcing fury to descend
No more trespasses to repent
I am the child who became spiteful
I have been devoured by my inner demons
Dreamer's Suicidal TemptationsWhy does it always have to end up like this? Why can I never actually be happy? Happy and actually being the keywords here. I just want to live my own fairy tale with magic and rainbows and unicorns and glitter,is that too much to ask? Just for once, something not temporary, something I can hold on to. But no, my prayers are never answered. Are they? Don't know, we're all predictable, we're all a tease, we're all disposable. No, I'm living another shade of nightmares, a lighter tone, a happier shade, but a nightmare no less.
"Why can't you just deal?" he yelled, pinning me to the wall.
"What if I don't want to?" I shakily replied, a burning sensation in the back of my irises.
"Weakling." he said, spitting in my face.
"Liar." I replied, trying to muster enough venom. He laughed.
Now don't worry about me, you never had, so why start now? Be good little boys and girls and maybe you'll gain some composure. Maybe. I don't even want to do this, not now, not fully, not yet. I need to
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